Phones join with the 4 letters on the TV (or the QR code). Type a name and pick what you're hitting: a rock, a skull, a meatball, a cue ball, a gerbil in a hamster ball, a hard-boiled egg, a bowling ball or a hockey puck. They all roll differently. The gerbil screams.
Left thumb runs. Right thumb is the swing pad: put it down and pull back like a slingshot. How far you pull is how hard; it goes the opposite way. Once you've pulled a third of the way the aim locks (the pad goes gold): after that your thumb only nudges it a little, and pulling farther or easing off just changes how hard. Pointed close to the cup, it snaps right onto the cup. Back to the middle unlocks it. Let go to swing. A dotted line on the TV shows where it's going. Winding up roots you in place. Can't find your ball? A moment after it stops, a big arrow with your name pops up over it.
Everybody tees off at once. First ball in the cup wins the hole. Your ball counts for you no matter who sinks it, so hitting somebody else's ball means hitting it into the pond. When half the balls are in, the marshal closes the hole in 20 seconds.
Whatever's in front of your club gets hit: balls, people, pumps, flamingos, geese, the porta-potty. Clubs snap over heads (then you kick). Get your bell rung and your aim swims. Run out of blood and the marshal's cart scrapes you up and drops you at your ball.
Blood, oil, piss, puke and grease stay where they land. Blood is sticky (balls slow down in it); oil and piss are slick (you'll slip). You track it around.
Between holes, spend your skins on your phone: clubs, grip tape, cleats, a bike helmet, steel toes, a caddie.
WASD + hold F (A/D aims while you hold). Arrows + hold L. Enter skips.