Everybody joins on their phone. Pick your Grant (or your Andrew): that's who you came out of, and he gives you a little something. Name your horse.
Before every race, pick what your Grant drank: Thin Milk is quick, Coffee is fast but goes right through you, Beer is a big bladder, Asparagus stinks up whoever's behind you...
Tap the big button on the beat and your pace climbs. Off the beat, you splash. The stick steers (let go and your horse knows the way).
Every stride spends bladder. Ease off and it comes back. Run it dry and nothing comes out.
Stay right next to somebody too long and you freeze up. Spread out.
He's at the rail. Swing by and he'll get you something (coffee, a shortcut, he knows a guy). Then he punches you in the stomach.
Grant's bathroom (around the bowl, he flushes), the trough at the ballpark (jump the urinal cakes), the snowbank (the track is Grant's name), the sample cup (get IN the cup; pays double).
When it rains, everything wet becomes a horse and joins the race. It can beat you. So can Grant.
Prize money for every race. Most money at the end is Horse of the Year, and gets Grant's blue ribbon.
Race 1: The Movie Night Stakes. Grant's bathroom. The seat goes up, around the bowl, down the drain.
Race 2: The Seventh Inning Stretch. The trough at the ballpark. Two laps. Urinal cakes are the hurdles.
Race 3: The Snowbank Stakes. The track is Grant's name, in cursive.
Race 4: The Sample Cup Invitational. Get in the cup. Pays double.
Andrew will be at the rail. He knows a guy. He will punch you.
Everything wet is a horse.