Join on your phone. Six events, one after another, all in the same town: axe throwing, archery, baseball, tennis, golf, a field goal. Everybody takes one shot each event.
Do not hit the target. Hit the axe board, put it in the service box, land on the green, make the field goal: disqualified for competence. Zero dollars.
Your phone shows a map of everything around the venue, with prices on the nice stuff. Put your finger on what you want to ruin. Then a little game for that sport (a meter, a pitch to swing at, a toss and a hit) decides how close you get. Nobody's very good at it. That's fine.
Then we watch every shot on the TV, one at a time, riding along with it.
Everything it hits goes on your bill. Chain reactions count: the dog that runs off with the ball, the golf cart that rolls downhill, the water tower. It's all yours.
Whatever breaks stays broken all night, so the good stuff goes fast. An arrow shot straight up comes down later. Probably on somebody else's turn. Still yours.
The biggest bill is the Most Valuable Disaster. All claims are denied.
All damage tonight will be billed to the athlete responsible. That includes damage done by a dog, a goat, a golf cart, the city bus, water or fire that you got involved.
Hitting the actual target is not permitted. It is called competence and it is not covered.
Nobody gets hurt. People will lose their hats. Animals will be upset but fine.
The water tower is full. The fireworks stand is open. The wedding is at 7. The Mayor parks behind the baseball field. I am telling you this as a warning.
All claims are denied.
— Dolores